Boy: May I hold your hand?

Girl: No, thanks. It isn't heavy.

Girl: Say you love me! Say you love me!

Boy: You love me...

Girl: If we become engaged,

  will you give me a ring?

Boy: Sure, what's your phone number?

Girl: I think the poorest people are

  the happiest.

Boy: Then marry me and we'll be

  the happiest couple.

Girl: Darling, I want to dance like this


Boy: Don't you ever want to improve?

Boy: I love you and I could die for you!

Girl: How soon?

Boy: I would go to the end of the world

  for you!

Girl: Yes, but would you stay there?

Sharon: Have you ever had a hot

  passionate, burning kiss?

Tracy: I did once. He'd forgotten to take

  the cigarette out of his mouth.

Man: You remind me of the sea.

Woman: Because I'm wild, romantic and


Man: NO, because you make me sick.

Wife: You tell a man something. It goes in

  one ear and comes out of the other.

Husband: You tell a woman something. It

  goes in both ears and comes out of

  the mouth.

Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says

  I'm ugly. What do you think, Pete?

Pete: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend: Are you sure you love me and no

  one else?

Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole

  list again yesterday.

Teacher: Which is more important to us,

  the sun or the moon?

Pupil: The moon.

Teacher: Why?

Pupil: The moon gives us light at night when

  we need it, but the sun gives us light only

  in the daytime when we don't need it.

Teacher: What do you call a person who

  keeps on talking when people are no

  longer interested?

Pupil: A teacher.

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?

Customer: What other colors do you have?

Teacher: Sam, you talk a lot!

Sam: It's a family tradition.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Sam: Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker,

  my father is a teacher.

Teacher: What about your mother?

Sam: She's a woman.

Tom: How should I convey the news to

  my father that I've failed?

Joe: You just send a telegram: Result

  declared, past year's performance


Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man

  beating a donkey and stopped him,

  what virtue would I be showing?

Student: Brotherly love.

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do

  you say prayers before eating?

Sam: No sir, I don't have to. My mom

  is a good cook.

Patient: What are the chances of my

  recovering, doctor?

Doctor: One hundred percent. Medical

  records show that nine out of ten

  people die of the disease you have.

  Yours is the tenth case I've treated.

  The others all died.

Teacher: Can anybody give an example of


Student: Sir, my Mum and Dad got married

  on the same day and at the same time.

Teacher: George Washington not only

  chopped down his father's cherry tree,

  but also admitted doing it. Now do you

  know why his father didn't punish him?

Student: Because George still had the axe

  in his hand.

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