A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and
made love all afternoon. Exhausted,
they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told
his lover to take his shoes outside and
rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife
'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm
having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and
said, 'You lying bastard! You've been
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful
daughters but always talked about having
a son. They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a
healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushe d to the nursery
to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he
had ever seen.
He told his wife, 'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby. Look at the
two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have
you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied,
'No, not this time!'
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Bob, about
to be cremated, and made a startling
discovery. Bob had the largest private
part he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Bob,' the mortician commented,
'I can't allow you to be cremated with such
an impressive private part. It must be saved
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home.
'I have something to show you. You won't
believe,' he said to his wife, opening his
'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Bob is dead!'
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when
she heard her husband opening the front
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then
dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,' she said.
'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired as he
entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths
bought one and I liked it so I got one for
No more was said, not even when they
went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to
the kitchen and returned, with a sandwich
and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar
and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked,
'How much for a nice juicy steak and a
bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the
guy who owns this place?'
'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked, 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?'
The bartender replied, 'The same thing I'm
doing to his business down here.'
The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, 'I have
something I must confess.'
'There's no need to,' his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and
let the poison work.'